


The Weed

by Ameerasakura



Category: The Amazing World of Gumball
Genre: Gen, written for 4/20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-22 03:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1573625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameerasakura/pseuds/Ameerasakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While searching for yet another confiscated item of theirs, Gumball and Darwin stumble upon a curious crumbly substance in a baggie and try and deduce the meaning behind the foreign substance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weed

“I swear, this is where they keep everything!”

“Gumball, why can’t we just wait until the end of the day to get our game?”

“Because it’s a portable game system, Darwin! We finally have the freedom to play video games outside of the house and that freedom gets cruelly snatched away from those who deserve it! Will you stand for this, buddy?!” the blue cat demanded.

The other, a speaking fish out of water with legs, shrugged aloofly.

“Eh, I feel I have enough self-control to last for just two more hours.”

“TWO HOURS?! Do you know how much gaming we could get in that time? Why, I think we could get to the final trial by then!”

Darwin seemed to consider this, putting a finger to his assumed chin and gazing off into the corner of his vision. “Weeeeeellll…..when you put it that way…”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been saying! C’mon! Help me find this thing. Really, you’d think they’d put the game with all the other toys that were taken away…hey, wait now, what’s this?” Gumball inquired with caution, delicately lifting a used Ziploc baggie with two fingers. Inside appeared to be a leafy and almost powdery substance. It had a peculiar form, the texture seeming very unlike any plant the two junior high students had ever seen before. Upon shaking it, Gumball noticed how crumbly the green contents of the bag were. Whatever was this doing here?

Both boys were so entranced by the perplexity of this new finding that they were stunned into silence.

Until of course even more curiosity got the better of them.

“Hey, should we open it? This stuff looks weird,” Gumball commented, perturbed, still ripping open the bag without waiting for an answer. He gave a sharp whiff, not even taking into mind the possible side effects of inhaling the odor of something so unknown. Almost immediately his face scrunched up in disgust.

"Ew, smells like someone put a skunk in there and left it to rot," he fussed, disgusted. Darwin was soon to join in this completely safe habit of whiffing potentially hazardous matter.

"Yeeah, you’re right, I don’t think we should be handling this stuff. Could be toxic," the pet concurred. He gently started pushing the bag back in the direction of the desk they broke into with his fin.

With a jolt Gumball ripped his hand away. “Hey now! We could be onto something here. What are the teachers doing hiding something so suspicious? I think we should take the liberty to find out what it is, at least,” he huffed. Peeking out the door for bystanders, Gumball hastily shoved the baggie in his pocket. “Okay, Darwin, get the game and let’s scram. Don’t wanna get caught my Ms. Simian again. That’s an experience I’d rather not relive, especially after the cotton pad incident.”

"OH NO, PLEASE, DON’T REMIND ME OF THE COTTON PAD INCIDEEEENT!!!" Darwin pleaded, tugging at Gumball’s arm.

—Something Indicating a Transition—

Given that their two extraordinary minds put together could not produce an explanation for the leafy stuff, the dolts of Elmore Junior High confided in some of their classmates for answers. There were plenty of smart kids in their friend group, but of course neither of the two were perceptive enough to go to the more experienced ones first. So they went to the friend with probably the least knowledge of this- Tobias, the sporty, multi-colored…they didn’t know what he was, but that wasn’t important. All that mattered to this story was that he wasn’t one to make the most educated decisions. Aaaand Gumball and Darwin chose to question him first.

They ended up tracking him down by the cafeteria, where he was flexing for what would be some inevitably blurry and photoshopped selfies.

"Hey Tobias!" Gumball casually greeted, not caring in the least that he was photobombing the jock’s picture.

"Aaaaw, c’mon man! I just fixed the aspect ratio so that my sweat marks wouldn’t appear in the shot!" he moaned irritatedly.

"First, didn’t need to hear that. Second, do you even know what that means? Third, what is this? We found it with the confiscated items," Gumball implored.

With an over-dramatic sigh and a more than obvious roll of the eyes, Tobias reluctantly grabbed the baggie the unnaturally colored feline presented. He held it close to his face with both hands, squinting as if to pick out a hidden message within the dried leaves. With a neutral “Meh,” he tossed the Ziploc back at Gumball. “I don’t know, I don’t study plants. Now go away, I’m preparing some profile pics for match.com,” he scoffed. “Wow, that’s actually kind of pathetic, even coming from you,” Darwin remarked.

"Who asked you anyway!" he barked, storming off in the opposite direction, trying to look cool. He promptly slammed into a pillar.

One down, practically half of the entire school population left to go.

—Something Indicating a Transition—

Upon Gumball’s persistant urging, the two made their way over to Penny, a peanut girl with antlers. Any sane person would have thought that was the weirdest abomination to come out of Elmore Junior High, but not Gumball. He thought she was the most spectacular, beautiful, sweet, and loveable girl in the entire school. Well, only because he had a huge crush on her, let’s face it.

She was feasting on a delicious bowl of salad. Technically, since a peanut is a plant, and salad is a plant, is this indirect cannibalism in some way? Gumball recalled one instance in which he asked her a question which she pointed out would be cannibalism on her part. So was she? Would she thus eat the plant the two boys carried with them? Nah, this is Penny. Beautiful, sweet, loveable Penny. She couldn’t be a cannibal.

Shuffling awkardly toward her, Gumball stuttered a, “H-h-hi, Penny, how’s it going?”

She looked up from her delicious meal, hollow eyes full of wonder. “Oh, hey Gumball, it’s going pretty well. What’s up?”

Gumball pulled at the collar of his sweater, which was heating up from being near Penny. “Hahah, you know, not much! Not worrying whether or not you’re a cannibal so you can help us, hahaha!”

She gave him an inquisitive look. “What on Earth are you talking about?”

Seeing how hopeless his friend would be if he took this any further, Darwin interjected, “We need help identifying something. Can you tell us what this is?” He reached into Gumball’s pocket and pulled out the baggie, with some of the green stuff leaking out of the bag in little bits.

Giving the same look Tobias did when inspecting the baggie’s contents, she hesistantly shook her head. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen it before. Well, it does look like a plant, so I’d suggest maybe asking Leslie? He’s sure to give you some clue, I think,” she kindly responded.

However, Gumball only groaned. “Do we have to ask him? He’s kinda weird, no offense.” This time Darwin joined Penny in giving Gumball an unamused look.

“Okay, FIIIIIIINE,” he sighed as though giving in to some immense pressure.

—A Transition of One POV to Another—

Your name is Steve Small, School Counselor of Elmore Junior High, and boy have you had a long day.

You put on a carefree and unconditionally (that may be a little bit of an overstatement) positive attitude, but in reality you can barely stand these kids. You have the patience to deal with them, yes, that’s why you chose this job, but they’re really all a bunch of little disappointments. You suppose that this is a difficult time in their growth, seeing how this is a junior high school, but you just can’t help but feel they could try a little harder. That is where I come in though, you think. To facilitate their growth by instructing them to try hard and how do their best when in need. Surely there’s hope left for them if you’re still here! Yes, you decide. There’s still hope left for these infuriating rascals!

With that thought in mind, you make your way back to your office. Oh, that’s right, better get my keys to unlock my door, silly old me! you muse. But wait, what’s this, you discover, your door’s already unlocked!

Now that can’t be right, you ponder. I locked up my door before my lunch break. Nevertheless, you slowly turn the knob on the door, noticing a wobble as it turned. Something’s definitely up!

You already had your suspicions about the potential culprits, but once you saw your drawer, obviously broken into, you knew exactly which pair of troublemakers were responsible.

Who else could it be? You only knew two students who would be so deviant as to break into the counselor’s office to take back a confiscated item- Darwin and Gumball Watterson. Particularly Gumball, though- you’ve always had the feeling that Darwin just tagged along to avoid social rejection. Nevertheless, both were responsible, that much was obvious. It takes two to break into a locked room and steal an item without getting noticed, especially with such inexperienced children in the school.

Of course this event bothered you; as school faculty it was practically an OBLIGATION to be worried, but if you were being honest with yourself (and boy do you credit yourself with being honest), you would say this wasn’t anything to raise an eyebrow at. It happens so often you don’t even bother with enforcing punishments. You’re just getting so tired of these two lately.

Speaking of tired, you really wore yourself out today. With two fights to break up during lunch and a following trip to the nurse’s office, you were ready to just wind down and relax. With the other faculty members having their hands full with the previous business, you could finally enjoy peace and quiet, undisturbed.

It was crucial you were undisturbed, as kicking back meant rolling up a blunt and toking it in the privacy of your office.

You were almost surprised no one caught on to the scent of weed in the room, as you smoked an average of two times a week in here, one for Monday after-weekend-madness and the other for Friday end-of-week-and-beginning-of-weekend-madness. With a grand total of only three teachers in the building, it was tough handling and teaching so many rambunctious students.

If you thought you could finally put an end to your week’s stress, you were wrong. Peering into the deep space of your file cabinet drawer, you were disheartened to find that your “stash” was missing. No, disheartened wasn’t the right word. Horrified? That’s more like it. Either some other authority did a thorough search of this work space, or….no. No way in all that is possible. NO. There’s no way that…

It clicked. Of course, in the one space where you would store confiscated items, you would also store your weed. And who else would have any need to access that?

AW. HELL. NAH.

—A Transition of One POV to Another—

There wasn’t anything extraordinarily odd about Leslie, so to say; at least, not compared to some of the other eccentric students at EJHS. He was just slightly peculiar to Gumball.

Leaving the essentially useless cafeteria behind, the boys stepped out onto the blacktop near the playground and happened to walk right upon their target.

“And so then I said, ‘Oh, honey, no! In 10 years the affects will really show and you won’t even look good now!’ That is surely an investment you should leaf at the door,” came an estatic and high-pitched voice, directed at a bright yellow ice cream cone girl. No matter how many times Gumball felt the dying need to correct him (being a grammar Nazi was something Gumball never was except in the case of only one individual- Leslie), the flower would never get the hint and would continue to misuse different forms of a word and GOD, he would die before he would stop using plant puns!

“And so then I said, WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!” Gumball bellowed. Really unnecessary but hey, this was Leslie. He could run his leafy mouth for hours on end before ever thinking of taking a breath of photosynthesis.

“Wow, rude,” he sassily snapped. “I was in the middle of a conservation.”

“It’s a- whatever, dude, you’re hopeless. Hey, so, Darwin and I were wondering. What is this thing?” he asked for what seemed like the hundredth time as he once again pulled out the baggie. Really if Leslie couldn’t answer maybe they’d just pitch the-

“GUMBALL WATTERSON! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING IN POSSESSION OF SUCH A THING!” he screeched as though Gumball had pulled out a demon from a satanic circle. He wagged a flimsy leaf arm at the acursed substance as if they didn’t already know what he was referring to.

“So, um, does that mean you know what this is?” Gumball pushed, not at all affected by the flower’s outburst.

“I’m sorry if this is one of your deceased loved ones,” Darwin added as a hidden incentive to gain Leslie’s aid.

“Do I know what this is! Oh, you better beleaf I know what that is! Why, I’d almost rather not know WHERE you got amold of that, but I know for a fact you shouldn’t have it!”

Now they were getting somewhere. With what more Leslie revealed, Gumball was even beginning to see some value in this stolen item.

“Oh yeah? What is it?” Gumball accusatorily questioned.

“Cannabis sativa! Why, if I wore you, I’d pitch that atrocity in the nearest garage bin!” he pronounced.

Like they were going to do that at this rate.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Gumball further pried.

Leslie melodramatically sighed and ran a leaf down his petal-covered face. “That’s marijuana, Gumball. It’s a drug.” Immediately the other two boys’ faces lit up in recognition. “You could get suspected for owning it- or worse yet, expelled!” The cat and fish friends mouthed an “oooo” to make it seem they truly understood the consequences of having a drug.

“Wow yeah, thanks, uh, Leslie. We’ll be sure to get rid of it then,” Gumball called attentively as he and Darwin slipped away.

“Not to mention, you do understemd that that drug isn’t even in my family, right?” Leslie shouted after them.

As if they would care either way.

—A Transition of One POV to Another—

Furious didn’t even cut it to describe how Mr. Small felt. At this point, it would be an understatement to even say he was livid. This wasn’t a matter of a simple theft, this was a full-on burglary of basic human rights! Human didn’t exactly apply in this situation, as no one recognizes a human as a species in The Amazing World of Gumball so we’re not even going to go there. The one thing Mr. Small would tolerate no one touching and would need more direly than anything else was taken away WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION by students who had NO USE FOR IT WHATSOEVER. Anyone who passed by the storming teacher could see that one word toward the adult would send them to detention for at least a month without a second thought. He was in no mood to be trifled with. Even Rocky, the school janitor, the chillest guy in the town of Elmore, didn’t dare to look at the fluffy counselor.

He was a man on a mission, and once he got ahold of those two specific delinquents, who knows what hell would ensue. Oddly enough though, no one knew what to expect, because the counselor meant to qualm the most raging arguments could not get in touch with himself for the life of him. Frantic whispers trailed behind him from the students he passed. They all knew something was definitely up, and they were scared out of their little minds at what destructive power this obscurity of a person could possibly hold.

—A Transition of One POV to Another—

Once they were out of sight of Leslie (as well as any other students who overheard their conversation), Gumball and Darwin found a bench along the fence of the school and gratefully took a seat, exhausted from tracking down so many people to talk to. Was this drug really worth the trouble? Only after their encounter with the *flowery* boy did they think so. It was actually kind of cool, having a crumbled baggie of powder cause such an uproar. One thing they still did not understand, however, was what the drug did. Drugs are bad, yeah, their academic career had pounded that into their heads since their first days of schooling, but to kids who have never had experience with aversive effects of toxic items it meant practically nothing. Besides, who was saying that this drug had aversive effects? There are other drugs, like painkillers and cough medicine, and they don’t have aversive effects. So what made this “cannabis” a bad thing?

“Hey Darwin, what if we tried this?” Gumball joked. “Do you think our heads would explode or something?”

Darwin gasped as if his best friend had uttered a profanity in class. “Gumball! We’re not supposed to use drugs! Drugs are bad, and only bad people do drugs! Do you wanna be like those bad people, Gumball?”

The other just waved it off. “It’s not like this drug guarantees we’re gonna be bad. We don’t even know what it does,” Gumball pointed out.

“Hey boys, whatcha doin’?” a sweet voice called. With a start the boys jerked their heads to the source of the noise behind them. ”Whatcha got there? Nothing interesting, I bet. I mean, a bunch of dweebs your age couldn’t be doing anything THAT cool.”

It was Rachel, Tobias’ older sister. She was in high school.

“Well, I’ll have you know it is cool! It’s a cannabis sat-something or another.” the blue cat puffed.

On the other side of the fence, the older girl put her hands to her mouth. “No way. You nerds have marijuana?”

Understanding the second name Leslie called it, the two nodded.

Rachel, behind her hands, cracked a grin and cackled. “Hoo- boy, you kids actually have something worthwhile. But I bet you don’t even know what it does.”

The two shook their heads, but they kept expectant eyes on her.

“What, you really don’t know? Well, I guess that’s to be expected from whiny little brats like you. How about you see for yourselves?” she offered in a hushed tone. From her pocket she withdrew a lighter.

Darwin backed away a little. “Uuuh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he uttered shakily.

“Oh come on buddy, what’s the worst that could happen?” Gumball threw out.

A good question that was indeed.

—Something Indicating a Transition—

Little needed to be said about what followed, other than once Rachel hooked the two boys up, it only escalated from there.

In their detached stupor from reality, they would walk right up to several students outside, offering them a “hit” of “the dankest kush to roam the Earth”. More likely than not they picked up the lingo from Rachel, who was busy laughing her ass off from the safety of the other side of the fence.

You would think good natured little children who had enough of a sense of morality to say no to drugs would deny the offer, but the temptation was too overwhelming. Within a course of thirty minutes, they had already gotten a handfull of people higher than a kite in the stratosphere.

With persuasion skills that had a disproportionate effect to the effort that was put into it, the two owners of the weed got their schoolmates one-by-one to indulge in the sickly-sweet smelling depressant. The new smokers had no idea what they were doing and had no idea why they were doing it. Maybe it’s because Gumball and Darwin were acting absolutely ridiculous (moreso than normal), and the others wanted to join in on the fun. Besides, what’s more fun than laughing and jeering at your pathetic stoned classmates than being stoned while doing it?

Just imagine for one minute a courtyard full of junior high school children of every tangible shape and color high out of their minds, whispering to each other “Dass some dank-ass shit”. Truly a picture to remember.

—A Transition of One POV to Another—

Unfortunately, there were some people who would rue this day for the rest of their lives. And that person is you, Steve Small, School Counselor- okay right now all you need to say is that you’re beginning to suffer withdrawal symptoms and you need your weed NOW. You’re so enraged by every little thing that’s happening that you feel as though some large parasitic being is trying to burst its way out of your head using its own rock hard skull. Knowing the unrealistic phenomena that have occurred in this town, you actually consider this metaphor as literal. No, you don’t need another worry to pile on top of your already growing list of worries. Your biggest worry right now is the fact that most of the students seem to be missing from the hallways and you can’t find Gumball and Darwin oh god where are they.

Now, your anger shifts more and more heavily toward anxiety. They’re not just capable of causing any mishap by simply existing; they’re capable of ruining your reputation as a teacher and potentially getting you FIRED just by an accidental slip. How horrible that such fortune should befall you.

Nervously treading toward the double doors that opened to the playground, you slammed the doors open with a force great enough to cause the delicate slabs of wood to hit the outside brick wall with a WHAM! loud enough to draw the attention of all those on the premises.

The sight the fluffy white counselor was met with burned into his retinas and would last for many days to come.

You had Leslie, sprawled out on the pavement in front of the door in what appeared to be an attempted escape, staring wide-eyed at the door mumbling “I mustn’t run away, I mustn’t run away,”; Tobias groping at a tree trunk wailing, “YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE I NEED IN MY LIFE!”; Penny staring straight up at the sun, murmuring, “I walk a lonely road, the only road..on the road…”; Banana Joe, the banana class clown, approaching people like Tobias and making the most outrageous puns such as “Would you look at that, he’s all BARK and no bite!” and “I’m going to be BLUNT with you, but she doesn’t WEED you,”; and of course, right in the center of this madness, Gumball and Darwin Watterson, laughing and snorting like they just figured out their entire lives were jokes and they were the only ones in on it. That was probably true anyway.

You wanted to laugh. You wanted to cry. You wanted to get on your knees and cry out, “OH, WHY ME!” but instead, you just stood there and blinked complacently. This was going to be quite an ugly mess to clean up.

In a sudden moment of pure observation, you noticed that not a single faculty member was outside. Oh, HEAVENS YES, you still had a chance to save your sorry behind before people started getting suspicious! As relieved as you were, you had a job to do, and now certainly wasn’t the time to be dawdling around.

“ALRIGHT YOU PANSIES, GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUMS AND MARCH RIGHT BACK INTO THIS BUILDING! SCHOOL IS IN SESSION, AND DISSENT OF ANY KIND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! YOU HAVE AN ACADEMIC RESPONSIBILITY AS STUDENTS TO ACT PROPERLY IN A SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT, AND BY VIOLATING THIS CODE YOU PLEDGE UPON ENTERING THIS VACINITY YOU ACCEPT THAT YOU WILL FACE THE FULL CONSEQUENCES THROUGH WHATEVER MEANS THE SCHOOL DEEMS APPROPRIATE!”

The students, no matter how red-eyed and droopy, bolted upright and flew into the hall, not even aware of all the other tens of students they were bumping into and running over in their dire goal to just get inside. They were like a huddle of spooked penguins, pushing and shoving all cramped together to fit into the opening of the doors.

Before Gumball and Darwin could sneak their way inside, they were stopped by a rough hand.

“I need to speak to you two in private, boys. I’m afraid it’s a very confidential matter.”

Through their watering eyes and smoky breath billowing in front of them, Darwin and Gumball could tell that they were utterly and completely doomed even beyond their hazy consciousness.

—Something Indicating a Transition—

Today was finally a complete day. The birds chirped giddily from their perches by the windowsill, gentle clouds drifted in front of the sun as if gliding through an ocean of air, and there were no obscene screeches or yells bursting from the blacktop.

You lean back in your cushioned swirly chair, tightly coiled blunt in hand. The room filled with the intoxicating smell of freshly burned cannabis, and it filled your nostrils with a most pleasing sensation that pushed down on your entire body. Now this was the life- toking it up on a fine Friday afternoon, schedule clear for the rest of the day. No one to interrupt-

“Mmmphphfmmm!” cried a hysterical voice. “Mrrrrmpmpmrr!” joined the other.

“Now, now, it’s not so bad! Just think of it as therapy- or better yet, an ideal place to think about the consequences of stealing and doing drugs. Someone else’s drugs, at that,” he gently spoke to a cat and fish boy, both tied up with duct tape across their bodies and mouths. “Reflect on what you’ve done, and remember: only I roll the best weed ‘cuz I got it goin’ on.”

**Author's Note:**

> what the fuck did I just write  
> I can't say happy 4/20, for it is long past the date April 20th. Nevertheless, enjoy another hopeless attempt at humor.


End file.
